Hello! I am the author of this press release. I have a real name but for now call me Kizmet. I am a new restaurant that’s opening, you should come.
You should pay your bill promptly, tip well, be reasonably polite, and in exchange we will sell you food and drink. Sweet Deal, eh? We will also provide kindness and affordable tasty food. We’ll also smile, which won’t be extra.
We will make sure you look really cool on your first date. We will welcome regulars like rock stars and rock stars like regulars. We will also not ask you how the food is, until you have actually tasted it. You can come in wearing jeans or a tee shirt, or a tiara. You can come in after work or after a work-out. (What up Jumeriah Janice!) Our dress code simply put is “You do You.”
Now, let’s all see if I can answer a really fundamental question we are all asking. Why are we opening the place? Is it going to be good? Should my wallet cringe in anticipation?
Well…. Thanks for reading this far. Do you guys remember the Pavilion? It was awesome, and we miss it. So, we decided to create a cool comfortable well-lit space with small plates and a focus on a neighborhood feel. We wanted to cook a lot of the food we all grew up eating but with a more modern approach. We also have ‘Chef-friends’ from around the world that we want to come through and cook with us when they can. Stay tuned for cool kitchen take over ‘pop-ups,’ earthlings.
We are tired of restaurants that put money into everything but people and ingredients and we’re over restaurants that require a hotel lobby, three elevators, a cross-fit tire flip, 16 alpacas and 3 reservation desks before you get fed or quenched.
We’re on the ground floor next to the Dubai Opera and we’ll be the new headquarters for your best decisions this November 2018. We promise to clear your internet history if things don’t go as planned. We won’t let you take any bad up-angled selfies. We have super-fast Wi-Fi and on special occasions free coffee for early birds and people who need a kick in the butt to get stuff done. We will serve breakfast till 3pm, because the first meal of the day should always be breakfast even if you don’t wake up at 9am.
This is about all the info you need. Follow us on Instagram, @kizmetdxb, for more information…okay? Yallah bye.
If this doesn’t work I blame my PR company, however, if this made you giggle, and you think it’s awesome it was completely me and I did it by myself.